How true it is when people says that we tend to dwell too much on the negative happenings and forget about the sunshine.

I was unhappy for a great deal of time and forgot that something wonderful happened in the morning. When Indah (my domestic helper) and I bath baby Zee this morning, she returned Indah a big smile when she teased her. That was the first responsive smile I have seen coming from her. I am actually quite jealoused that I am not the one she smiled at. But anyway, it was a huge milestone for her. And she did it again just now. Baby Zee was half awake, and I gently gave her a peck on the checks. She smiled back at me! I am delighted! And I told myself, I have to get this recorded immediately.

Today is a bad day. It actually started last night.

Betty visited me yesterday, and convinced me once more not to give up breast feeding. I know breast milk is best for the baby. I do want her to have the best. I even woke up twice last night to try expressing milk for storage. I felt so confident I could do it for six months.

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I thought breastfeeding should have been a wonderful experience for mothers. The first month was easy, and i felt very confident in continueing. However, as the baby grew more alert and demanding, things starts to look gloomy.

I couldn’t pretict the baby’s feeding time anymore. She is not sleeping as much now, and once awaken, she will want to be fed, sometime hourly. Is my supply insufficient? “No”, said the lactation consultant, ” you didn’t let her suckle long enough to get the rich hindmilk, making her hungry easily, and probably the baby growth spurt makes her more demanding.” Alright, i will take that advice and make her eat longer….but it is a difficult task since the baby always falls asleep after ten minutes of nursing.

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I have been reading on how to take care of babies. While all books and resources agrees that babies love to be carried, cuddled, touched, some advised against carrying the baby when they cry for attention, while some believe that “excessive” carrying is not going to make the baby a fussy one.

Oh no! Baby cries, to cuddle or not to cuddle? Week one, it pains me to see a fragile baby wailing, so we carried her once she cried. Week two, good baby, sleep all the time, no problem. Week three, fussiness sets in. She must fuss at least once a day. She don’t look so fragile now. We decided to leave her to stop her crying on her own. It never really worked out. We failed! Week four, we carried her once she cried, saved us all the distress. Four weeks of experiments, my conclusion is: she only cries when she is hungry, soiled or feels lonely. So, i decides to cuddle her once she cries.
Anyway, the feeling of cuddling a baby is great.

We were both discharged from the hospital on the 17th of Feb. Zee Yau was slightly jaundiced, with yellow tint on her face and eyes. Dr Siva said it was mild, no alarm. But i am still worried. And true enough, she lost weight. Everybody said that was normal, so no big deal. She also passed the newborn hearing screener.

weight on discharge: 2510gm

I guess i am over paranoid. I am not sure if she is taking enough milk! So i decide to measure her regulary!

length: 53cm ( yeah! she has grown “taller” )
head: 36cm ( big head!)
waist: 35cm