Today is a bad day. It actually started last night.

Betty visited me yesterday, and convinced me once more not to give up breast feeding. I know breast milk is best for the baby. I do want her to have the best. I even woke up twice last night to try expressing milk for storage. I felt so confident I could do it for six months.

But I was defeated again. I couldn’t express much milk. James said the pump is not working well on me. I try to buy that idea, it made me feel better. But the baby is not showing healthy signs. She did not eat well, and felt asleep after just ten mintues of nursing. She was not interested in suckling at all. She is not wetting her diapers or pooing much. Worst of all, she is asleep all the time. When she woke up, she looks lerthagic, listless!

I have to surrender this time. I nursed the baby again, not very successfully and gave her a bottle of formula milk. She actually finished up almost the whole bottle. This firmly concluded that she is not receiving enough from me. I felt so guilty and so disappointed. I want to be the indispensable food provider. I want her to receive the best she can have.
I guess I am too exhuasted and stressed up lately, which leads to the dimishing supply. However guilty i may feel now, I am glad to know that the baby will not be starved by me if I supplement her with formula. In the mean time, I will continue to let her suckle, and pump deligently, and hopefully, my supply will increase again!