Grandparents looking after grandchildren, the typical setup in many Singapore families. Grandparents refusing to look after grandchildren, the emerging trend in many local families.

I think my mother-in-law is the typical kind of grandparent who loves to help look after their grand children. She has been visiting us almost every Friday and stays over until Saturday. To avoid heavy traffic, she chooses to cross the causeway at around 10pm on her way here, and return in the late afternoon on the weekend. But most of the time, she will still be trap in the traffic congestion. So tedious, why bother? She wants to bond with the baby, wants the baby to recognise her, wants the baby to friend her, so that one day, she could bring her back to JB and help us look after her!

I trust that she is not trying to “snatch” the kid from us, but does so with the best intention. She thought I might ultimately return to work (opps, I doubt so), or we might do some traveling and need someone to care for the kid and she will be ready to take on the job when the time comes. I was a bit suspicious when she started telling me about various good kindergarten in JB, and begin cold sweating when she said that she wants to register the baby in one of the popular kinddy there (because it has a looonnnggg waiting list). Har???!!! If Yauyau is attending school there, then what am I suppose to do? No doubt she is very good with kids and will ensure the best in all aspects of yauyau’s well being, no no, no way I could bear to leave her there.

My calligraphy teacher is the new breed of grandparents that do not want to take care of their grand children. His only precious daughter is getting married tomorrow, but he has already told her to forget the idea of engaging him to look after her future kids. He will do them a favour by sparing some time during weekends to baby-sit when the parents are really busy.

His reasons are very simply. He had slogged so many years and spent so much energy bringing up his daughter. Now she has grown up and on her own, time for him and the wife to rest and enjoy life. No way is he going to go through the cycle of night feeding, diaper changing, chasing after, singing silly songs, disciplining and etc. It is physically draining and eats up too much precious time. He has fufilled his duty, time for some freedom!

My father belongs to the category which is neither here nor there. I should call this the greedy breed. He wants the best of world, maximum grandparent experience, minimum responsibility. He wants the grandchild presence, but doesn’t want to lift a finger to catch her mischief. He wants to see the grandchild playing or laughing happily, but rarely takes part in the child’s activities. This kind of grandparents usually demands a helper at home. They will then issue commands to the helper to jaga the kid, to cook porridge, to change diaper, to give water, to stop the crying….. Well, my father said he doesn’t know how to take care of kids, so he will help by supervising the helper!

I am the possessive type and want to bring up my kid on my own. Therefore, my best combination will be with my teacher, we would live happily by not bothering each others life too much, but too bad, he is neither my father, nor my in laws. The next best choice will be my father, but he can be maddening annoying when he keeps asking why I am not bringing the baby over to his place, and I think I will break his fragile heart if I move further away from him. The least ideal combi is with my MIL. Two women fighting over the “custody” of a child, two women pitching their skills to win the child over the other. Will start another cold war! Luckily my mil is not the extreme case, else I will pack my luggage and hide somewhere she can’t find me.

The scenario of folks enjoys looking after our kids is fast becoming a yesterday thing. Many parents still assume that the elders enjoy the task, some think that it is also their duty to do so. While I understand that many working parents have no choice but to entrust their kids to the grandparents, I am very disturbed by those who take this extra bonus for granted. Some even complained about their unfortunate plight of having unreasonable and unhelpful parents. I don’t think elders are obliged to help us take care of our kids; it is our responsibility, not theirs.

And of course, there is this group of parents who treat the grandparents like plague, using all sort of methods to keep the children away from the grandparents. That is another story….