Comments on: Three Kinds of Grandparents

By: Phoebe

Phoebe — Thu, 01 Jan 1970 07:30:00 +0000

Interesting post here I guess we have made our choice to start a family… like many others out there. Troy reckons that the conventional Singaporean way of raising kids are nonsensical to him - Having aged in-laws or domestic helpers to mind / ‘parent’ the baby while the couple could work or still indulge in their lovey twosome relationship without the baby interfering.

Why have children when you are not willing to look after them? I feel really sad when some parents opt to even put their infant at those ‘24′ hour infant care places… when do they get to bond with their baby? Don’t they worry about the baby at all?

My mum was telling me to bring the baby over to her home so that the domestic helper could look after while Troy and I work… while our parents want to help… and we might not agree with their style, we must not forget that they genuinely want to help and they care for our well-being too

You are a rare gem! I am really glad to find someone likeminded who would rather not miss out the intriguing growing stage of the little one

By: hait

hait — Thu, 01 Jan 1970 07:30:00 +0000

Yup yup, old parents here care for children so much that they are willing to sacrifice their retirement, private time or hobbies to help look after the grand children. I have seen many fella calligraphy or painting enthusiasts giving up their hobbies because they need to chase after the kids, cook for them, bring them to school and etc.

But on the other hand, some grand parents feel so bored and empty if they don’t have grand children to look after. Aiya, as long as they are happy, let them choose what they like to do. And really, extra help from parents to look after the kid are really life savers to me, else I will die if I have to face her 24/7.

By: dory

dory — Thu, 01 Jan 1970 07:30:00 +0000

I do agree with Phoebe that this is an interesting post indeed. I live with my in-laws and my MIL is a little like yours. From the start, I just didn’t think that 3 women (my MIL, my MIL’s maid and me) and a baby would work! When Ryan is with one of us and he cries, the other two would come up and have a look at what is happening. We have our initial share of conflicts…we still do have them every now and then. And this was unheard of before he was born. Conflict of interests I guess?

Initially I misunderstood her intentions for trying to help, I just felt that she was like trying to “snatch” him away from me, just to relive the days when she could not be with her sons when she was working back then. I was so unhappy and stressed up back then.

But I’m glad she’s a very understanding lady. We spoke to each other honestly and directly at length. She understood that I want to be there for Ryan, which is why I didn’t go back to work and she supported me by giving me space to be with him.

Right now, I am his primary caregiver, with her helping me only in the late afternoons, Sunday and some evenings. She abides as much as she can by our parenting rules. Her helper helps babysit when we are having our meals and she helps me cook and puree his porridge and food cubes.

With all misunderstandings cleared, I guess 3 women and a baby is still possible to this day.

By: hait

hait — Thu, 01 Jan 1970 07:30:00 +0000

“conflict of interests”, well said! Three women and a baby, that is a tough situation. The good thing is there will be a spring of never ending flow of love for ryan

Just watched tonight’s 人人爱理 (What Say You?) on Channel U, it happened to be discussing this issue about grandparents looking after grand children too. A lot of conflicts are created between the parents and the grandparents (esp between mom and MIL) due to different style and ideal in parenting kids, which lead to some parents removing the kids from the grandparents care, and it badly upset the grand parents. Though not discussed in depth, it gave quite a broad overview of this topic.

Well, count us lucky for having very open minded and understanding MILs