Comments on: The Desirable Child

By: mel

mel — Thu, 01 Jan 1970 07:30:00 +0000

I agree with you, Huileng. We need to remember to accept, appreciate and love our children for who they are, but not what we want them to be.

By: Eileen

Eileen — Thu, 01 Jan 1970 07:30:00 +0000

I seconded Mel’s comments. Have seen many parents trying very hard to “mould” their child into what they want them to be, forgetting that every child is an individual, unique creation. My 30 mo son happens to fall into the “less desirable child” department, but i’ll always love him for what he is:)

By: hait

hait — Thu, 01 Jan 1970 07:30:00 +0000

I was thinking if I would get slammed writing the entry, as I used to one such person who thought parents are spoiling those kids who cause so much disturbance or annoyance, they are such a pain! I even thought some parents are simply too lazy or preoccupied not to help their kids who happen to be very shy.

Now I know, we tried to, but certain things just can’t be rushed or can’t be changed at all.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Thu, 01 Jan 1970 07:30:00 +0000

Agree with your sentiments. Used to be a little anxious about why my princess is so antisocial, why she is so clingy to me, why she is not willing to share etc etc, behaviours that are listed as undesirable by many books. “Problematic” behaviours that these same books set out to “fix”.

On hindsight, it could be just a result of my own sudden overexposure to guide books and magazines when I quit my job to look after her when she was 16mths old. I was so starved for information that I borrowed tonnes of books from the library and bought many parenting magazines, with the aim of making me a better parent : ) whatever that means.

She’s 30mths old now. She chooses her friends, offers to share her things with her peers, still clings on to me at times but has no problems playing independently too sometimes …. And all these evolve even though I didn’t do anything deliberate. If anything, I just tried and will continue to try and make her feel secure and happy by responding to her.

In fact, though I still read alot of parenting magazines and books, I’ve learnt to shake my head and ignore some of the things that have been written. Afterall, my princess is a very unique individual and who knows and loves her better than I? So, when I recently came across an article that says by 30mths (according to a guideline on basic ettiquete for children) she should be able to say please, thank you and sorry unprompted in the appropriate situations, I just smiled and turned the page.

By: dory

dory — Thu, 01 Jan 1970 07:30:00 +0000

I agree with you too. I believe each child probably has a mixture of desirable and undesirable traits. We try to bring out the best in our child but at the same time, let’s let them be who they are.

Also, I find that parents tend to say the best things about their child when they speak of them to others so you don’t really get a full picture of what’s going on “behind the scene”.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Thu, 01 Jan 1970 07:30:00 +0000

if every child behave the same, then aren’t they all robots ?

By: Ivy

Ivy — Thu, 01 Jan 1970 07:30:00 +0000

My child also same, whenever a stranger attempt to carry him, he’ll brawl. He is very choosy on who he’ll grant the permission to cuddle him. hahaha For relatives whom he seldom meet, they can only look at him and try to communicate with him while he give them a very stuck up pout and basically ignore them.

Many relatives say that my baby is “problematic” as he is not friendly enough to those he seldom meet. But ahhh adults also like that what!!! imagine some tom, dick or harry come to u and want to hug u, will u allow it??? we’ll siam far far right? so what’s wrong with kids who don’t allow other strangers or acquintance to get near them right? chey!