October 27th, 2005
Sour and Sore
» motherhood
Indar, my domestic helper, and I enjoy a very good relationship. If there is anything that could rip a rift between the two of us, it won’t be because she burnt a hole while ironing my favourite dress or because she told a lie, it would definitely due to Yauyau.
It is a blessing that she loves my kid very much and takes very good care of her, perhaps even better then myself. But this means that the kid is as close to her as is to me. One of my greatest fear is that Indar will replace my status of Yauyau’s favourite person. A few days ago, while returning home from my father’s place, the kid actually cried for Indar! My heart sunk, I felt so sour. Then two days ago, she woke up from her sleep and started crying frantically. Thinking it might be one of those terror nights she might be going thru, I just gently pat on her to pacify her. She continued crying “mama” in the most sorrowful manner. After about half a minute, she actually changed her “mama” to “Indar”. That was like sending an instant distress signal to me and I pull up my t_shirt to offer her milk immediately. I couldn’t bear to hear her crying for another person instead of myself.
I guess I overreacted, we will always have our special place in the heart of our children. But I am sure this also happens to many parents, especially when so many of us rely on the help of domestic helpers to babysit the children. Well, just got to control my jealousy, else I will risk pickling myself.
October 27th, 2005 at 5:14 pm
I know how you feel, Huileng..Damien cried for my mum sometimes when we’re back at home, and he would run to my mum for comfort if he hurt himself while playing..even though i’m there with him:(
But like you, i always believe the bond between a mother and her child is a special and strong one…
October 27th, 2005 at 6:25 pm
I would say that it’s human nature to be jealous/feel sour, esp if child wants another care giver instead of the mum(whom sacrifices alot for kid, eg: breastfeeding, body shape changes, the sleepless nites of their illness, etc).
I felt the same way, more so when i gave up being a Homemaker to contribute $$ to the family expenses. My kid can cheerfully wave goodbye when i left hm for office, doesn’t even seem to miss me.
It’s only after dear hubby says that the kid would still be urs at the end of the day, that i slowly… learn/try to let go.
Now, i can get quite touched sometimes, esp when my kid wait up for me to return from office, to read story book, b4 she turn in for the nite.
Sometimes, when they want ur attention. Give it to them(no matter how busy u are). These are precious moments, enjoy them while they still want u. =)
October 28th, 2005 at 10:26 am
Huileng, you are one of those rare lucky ones which found a domestic helper which you could trust totally with your precious child. Don’t let the green monster destroy the relationship between you, Indar and Yauyau. You will always be Yauyau’s mother, nothing can alter that
October 29th, 2005 at 10:41 am
Hi Huileng, guess what,I have the same problem with my son and the maid,but she isn’t even the main caregiver! That’s the weird thing. See, like you, my helper is very patient and kind. Loves my son very much and no matter how difficult he is, she’s got the patience to be gentle with him and enjoys playing with him too. But I only work part time, so I look after him in the afternoons. My mum looks after him in the daytime. My helper only relieves either one of us when we are occupied or tired. Between my mum and myself, we feed, bathe, change, play with him and put him to sleep. AND YET he appears to like the maid the most! He’ll call out to her sweetly when he can’t find her and it looks like she’s his favourite playmate. Isn’t that strange?? I bfed my son for 14mths before being forced to wean him due to health reasons. And yet my son likes to sayang the maid the most and play with her. Hee…weird phenomenon. You are not alone in feeling jealous!