I guess it is pretty natural that we get irritated and annoyed by our baby who wakes up in the middle of the night demanding our attention. I remember those days which I sighed upon hearing her cries while rushing back to put her back to sleep. I have been getting so used to her waking up that I completely did not realised that she has been sleeping through the night until a few weeks later.

While working on my computer, I heard a tiny mousy sound from the bedroom calling for “mama”. It surprised me for a brief moment that I could picked up that soft subtle sound the kid made. Perhaps some kind of mother and child telepathy.

And that immediately brought me back to my childhood days. I shared room with my little sister, my parents and brother slept in the next room. I slept with bright lights on, but I was still terrified when I woke up in the middle of the night. I instinctively called out for my mother whenever I woke up, that same tiny mousy sound Yauyau made, and my mother will appear seconds later to provide the security I so much needed.

I didn’t realise how sensitive a mother could be to her children’s need until I grew up much later. We lived in the rural area, and it was a big household. No one else was awoken by my frequent paging yet my mom would appear in front of me without fail.

Suddenly, I could feel the special warmth from those comfort and security she had provided for me through those timid days. Yes, only after so many years when it finally happened to me. It confuses me a little, I seem to be walking down the path I have taken when I was a kid, yet I have taken on the role of the mother holding the hand of her child. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if I could share all these special déjà vu moments with her while reminiscing my own childhood? I thought mom would be the best person to understand all these special feelings. Just a pity she isn’t around anymore.

Maybe it is some kind of girl’s thing to sleep in a sea of furry animals. It has become a daily napping routine, dragging out all creatures big and small, putting them to bed one by one and then willingly sleep after that.

We have a weird addition lately though, she fell in love with her new umbrella (one of her birthday present) and insist on sleeping with it. And yes, the umbrella must be opened; she won’t compromise with a folded one.

I like to bring Yauyau to the playground, thinking that the way she interact with the people and objects at the playground will throw me some clues what kind of person she would grow up to be. Maybe she will play with the others, showing that she is a sociable girl. If she is happily climbing and swinging around, she could be the adventurous sort. If she manages to climb up that tall tower, she could be courageous too. And if she would fell down without any crying, then she would be that strong girl I imagined her to be.

I go through my mental checklist of characteristic I desire every time we go to the playground. Well, the empty boxes are still void of the ticks I wanted so much. She is still the timid and shy little girl she used to be. She can be self contradicting too. She always enjoys going to the playground and pester us for such trips. However, she refused to play anything when she saw another kids in the playground. She would just stand around and observed the other party. Too shy? Or too conscious of herself?

And the situation seems to be getting worrisome lately, she seems fitting well into the category of an ultimate girlie girl. Afraid of those tiny ants, complaining about sand, standing still on top of the slide, refusing to go down unless the parents give her a push. She is too girlie to be true. Oh god, I wonder where she got those genes from, seems so alien to us.

Oh well, at least she has been chasing after cats and dogs and have been petting them like long lost friends. Maybe I see some kindness and love for animals in her? At the meantime, I will continue bringing her to the playground, I am sure playing will make her a little bit wilder, the boxes will get checked sooner or later. There is this chinese sayaing “三岁定终生”, I am sure she would be braver and more adventurous before she turns three.

Here is a latest picture of Yauyau, just in case anybody forgotten how she looks like.

I think I am coming back to this little space again. I have been missing in action for the past 2 months. To those who have left comments or sent me emails, I am sorry that I didn’t reply in time. The guilt for not updating anything was so great that I forced myself not to load this site.

Anyway, everyone is fine and nothing bad happened to any of us. I was just busy with something else earlier on. The truth is, I was too engrossed with gaming and it took away all my time and inspiration for writing. I know myself very well, the only way to detox is to sink myself further into playing computer day and night, until I waste into such atrocious state that I get tired of it, and then I will see the light again.

I am glad to announce that I am beginning to see the light again, hurry! I don’t think I want to be caught in a situation that the kid asked me why I stopped writing all of a sudden. Laziness or addiction to gaming is definitely not the kind of example I want to set for her.